So as an update, I am feeling better, although still having 3 hour naps in the afternoon, after a good 8hour night sleep...so still a little frustrated, but hey it is a process..albeit very very slow.
So this flu/cold, made me think, why do I have poor social skill? Why do I have such a hard time networking and having fun, and letting loose, and often have to really think what is/isn't appropriate in different situations and when in doubt I just remain silent?
Well I realized that socializing takes practice, nobody's really born with it, its through observation and trial and error, usually in school that people learn what to do/say, and how to let go and be fun, although it does come more naturally to some than others, and I'm definitely jealous of those people. But anyway, thinking back, I didn't really socialize with others, didn't attend that many parties, only went to club 2 years ago after which I got an ear infection (long story). In elementary school when I got sick, I would be out for a long time. In high school, it got a little better, but then of course when I did get sick, I would go to fairly extreme measures to get better faster and not miss any class, and would thereby not be completely well for months. To this day, I dread september, because I know that with the end of sunshine, the germs come out.
By the time the winter hits I'm afraid of even talking to people...and it all goes back to the last 3 weeks...that if I do get sick, it takes me a loooong time to get better, and this has conditioned me to avoid any situations and people that can cause me to become sick. It is a little crazy considering that this is the first bad time in about 5 years, but for my brain, the fear is still there, if I go to this party and talk to many people and get drunk, I will get sick for a month. Now its semi-true since the last time I went to a wedding, I got food/alcohol poisoning after 1 drink and 1 piece of salami and was indeed sick for a week.
At first I thought, ok it must be a poor immune system, that must explain it, so its not really my fault....and I can keep avoiding everything because I don't have immunity...well that's not really true, as I can go on the transit system and interact with a whole class (some of whom are sick) and get 4hours of sleep for weeks and still not get sick. Of course when I finally stop being stressed, start showering, shopping, and 'gasp' exercising, and start going to friends, I get sick. I think I'm going to change my thinking and think its more luck than immunity. Sometimes I'm just not lucky, no matter if I get the flu shot, try to avoid all sugar and processed food, and get enough sleep, sometimes I'll just get unlucky and get the bug going around...and yes be out for 3 weeks...but should I keep being a hermit and avoid all social contact, just to possibly slightly reduce my chances of catching that cold?
I've realized the key is to try to get a balance of some sort, since for me it seems it's either all or nothing. I either completely overdo it, like the week before I got sick by trying to do everything (shopping, studying, eating cake, exercising, running!!!), or I avoid going out and just stay home (study). This past 3 weeks have reminded me that I do have to be careful and can't do everything, I really do have to pick and choose, because even if immune system is okay, my lungs are not happy when I do get a cold, and it turns into bad bronchitis within 3 days, and then they need a loong time to get back to their normal state. But that doesn't mean that I should go back to doing absolutely nothing, I just have to be smart about it, and that means not doing 10things in one day even if I really really want to. If I want to go shopping, that's okay, but that's it, not to add exercising to that day. That also means I could go out and go socializing, but that day has to be light in everything else. That also means exercising (weights) only 2-3 times a week, because starting off at 4-5X is just setting myself up for failure.
I'm still unsure if running is a good exercise strategy for me, I mean yes its a great activity, good for endurance, but..last time I tried it, I literally felt like I was going to pass out from a lack of air after only 3 min, and was coughing and wheezing for an hour afterwards. And the fact that I don't use a rescue med, just makes the problem worse, because my lungs constrict and there's nothing I can really do besides meds to fix it, and meds cause my palpitation to get worse. So without the rescue meds, I think I'll leave out running, and try some other endurance activity like biking or tennis that isn't as bad for my lungs. But it is frustrating because I know I used to be able to run just fine it doesn't make logical sense to me why after only 3 min, I feel like I'm drowning, yet can bike for hours with no problems, or can even play tennis for 1 hour with little issue.
The moderation thing I think is the most important, I mean we learn all the time that with many chronic diseases its really important to pace yourself and if you do end up doing too much that's just going to make you bedbound the next day and is counter-productive. So I think I should take my own advice, and try not to overdo it. No more shopping + exercising, and avoid exercising + going out. I have to learn its okay to say no, even though its sometimes the hardest thing to do because when I'm feeling well, I want to do everything, because I don't know how much longer I'll actually keep feeling well.
Also I have to stop comparing myself to other people that can study, exercise, go out and work at the same time. I can't period, and I'm not the only one, and that's okay, because as much as I say and convince myself I don't have asthma, the wheezing and instant bronchitis sort of confirm it, and that means that I have to take care of myself more than other people. Also I have to get over the poor social skills, I mean yeah its not perfect, but considering how much school I missed in grade school, and how terrified I was about going anywhere, its a miracle they're not worse! I have to move forward, not constantly be looking back and that means accepting some of my challenges and learning to live with them and overcoming them.
So with that, tomorrow I'm actually going outside for a few hours, and hopefully my lungs will cooperate.
Over and out.
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