Trying to change my dating strategy

It's amazing how a crush can completely make your psyche turn to complete and utter mush, and turn your world upside down. The pain to know that someone you're interested in is not interested in you is unbearable. It's almost like an alien takes over my brain and makes me completely useless!

I'm trying to forget about him, and stay distracted, as I do have a lot of other stuff I need to be doing, but it's hard..I still keep checking my phone impulsively, thinking he'll message and that he's truly interested, but I know that he's not. It's gotten so bad that I started falling asleep at work and having concentration issues, so I really do need to snap out of it badly and soon...it's definitely not easy to work and date at the same time, really does wear down on you and makes you even more exhausted.

Ohh well..I'll snap out of it hopefully very soon, because its causing me to be quite miserable...plus its draining on my family, and if that wasn't enough, my stomach issues are beginning to rear their ugly head.

I keep trying to figure out, if having a relationship is truly worth all this pain, mood swings and dating experiences. I'm told that the high of being in a committed relationship and the love that goes along with it is the best feeling in the world....except the only problem is I only feel pain, and haven't gotten to the love part of it.

I've been trying to take the advice of some of my guy friends as well as online help forums, where they advise to see a date as just an informal meeting between 2 people, instead of right away analyzing whether they are the one or not. I always tend to do that, and to always think, will this lead to something long-term? Is there a spark? I think the problem is I'm putting too much emphasis and pressure on a single date, which is just what it is. A meeting that might or might not lead to a second meeting. Right away, my brain starts fast forwarding to 10 years into the future instead of just enjoying the now, and not looking into the future. Then of course I start blaming myself that I should have behaved differently, or dressed better. When the reality can be that they guy is just pre-occupied with other tasks, has no idea what they want, or is just not interested in a relationship at the moment.

The one thing I have learned is not to chase after a person who is not interested. It is better to just let it go, even though not knowing is very tough. I think tomorrow, on another one of my infamous blind dates, I'll try to keep an open mind and just try to enjoy the date instead of thinking 10 steps ahead, and looking at it, as a chance to meet another interesting person in this big world we live in!

Dating is Not easy

Now I remember why I gave up on dating before, it was the whole frustration and pain that made me wish I would be single for the rest of my life!

As the job aspects in my life have sort of settled down, I decided why don’t I try dating for a bit, explore my options? I mean I don’t really have anything to lose, right? I’m more mature now, and hopefully better able to deal with rejection and pain in general…which is sort of true…except its still very frustrating and painful..

After going on 7 blind dates in the past 2 months, I am exhausted! Out of the 7, there are only 2 where I felt we had some sort of compatibility, and only 1 to whom I was actually interested in…the other 5…well, let’s just say I can’t stand starbucks anymore.  

It has gotten to the point, where I’m actually dreading on going on anymore dates! Where are all these coming from? Well, 3 online dating sites + match ups through friends and neighbours…I keep thinking, I should be grateful to be an eligible bachelorette, but honestly I just want to hide under a rock somewhere!

One of these dates was actually really funny, I already knew we didn’t have anything in

common, and the guy was bold enough to ask in the car, how I thought the date went!

After a couple of minutes of being in utter shock, I was honest and said that I thought it

wasn’t going to quite work, he actually said that he has a friend who would be perfect

for me! I was like, wow, this is not exactly how I expected the date to go. The funny

thing was that I agreed, met his friend who turned out to be really nice and actually

compatible, and then he doesn’t message the day after. 

This is all just as I’m getting control of everything else in my life, I’m trying to disrupt

it with this crazy dating experience…the reason I stopped, was because the emotions

got too raw and painful, and I couldn’t actually control them at one point and became

quite depressed. I am in a much better place at the moment, and can deal with my

emotional side in a more productive and timely manner (ie: hide and suppress all

emotions for a period of time and focus on work), but it’s easy for the feelings to get

the best of me, especially when I actually like someone, which is very very rare.

In one way, it’s a good test, and has shown me that I have come a long way and can

deal with these things a lot better than I used to. I don’t try to withdraw anymore, and

actually talk to a couple of friends about it, so that it doesn’t get the best of me. That’s

always a better way, as then, they can be my rational compass, when I become

irrational! I’m still working on stopping over-analyzing every move I make, because

I’ve realized that makes me lose it, and is also not a healthy way of dealing with things.

Finally, I try to be myself on dates instead of pretending to be someone I’m not,

because otherwise I’m fooling no one but myself, as my real personality comes out

eventually anyway, as I can only pretend for so long.

I’m continuing to realize just how hard it is to find someone, as both people have to

actually like each other and get along, which after all these blind dates is seeming to be

impossible! I also have come to dislike pof and all mirror pictures with a passion!

I will continue being optimistic and thinking that there is a perfect match for everyone,

but it sure does get frustrating after a while! I will take the advice of a good friend and

try to see the positive aspect of all these dates and just look at it, as a way to meet lots

of new crazy people and have great stories to share afterward!