I feel like my brain is sort of on overload from the amount of material we have to memorize in a week and therefore I've been completely unproductive and procrastinating...
I just can't stop my thought process and all the what ifs...especially regarding what will happen in a few months when I'll hopefully start looking for jobs...which is a small problem because with all the budget cuts, there are few public sector jobs and even though there are private outpt jobs there aren't as many as I hoped considering there are 250 PT graduates in Ontario alone, and possibly 200 people try to get into the GTA....which means there is serious competition. I feel like I'm completely unprepared to go into private practice because the knowledge that is required is a lot more than we have been taught, and we're supposed to pick up a lot from practice but I feel like its an insurmountable task because I feel like I retain nothing and know nothing...the fact that I have a board exam looming in 3 months and I'm not prepared and basically have 2 weeks to study which is sort of scary.
When I finished undergrad, I thought I had a lot figured out, that I chose the perfect career, that I would learn to love it, that its this job everybody enjoys, and that I should be lucky to have gotten in, but now...well let's say nothing is black and white anymore. I don't know what the right path to anything is anymore, and every day I question my own path in life, and that is frustrating because when I was younger I always thought it would get easier and I would magically find the answers and everything would fall into place as I get older and I'm learning more and more that life doesn't work that way. You can plan and plan, but it rarely works the way you imagine it to be. I wish I could look into the future and actually see a bright future, but I can't. I don't even know if after all this, I will actually enjoy my job....because I'm realizing more and more that everything is a lot more complicated than anyone initially thinks.
First off, there are no guarantees in life. No matter what career one picks and how good the prospects are, there are no guarantees that at the end of the education there will be a job waiting for you, and this is what a lot of people in my generation are realizing. The other fact is even if there is a theoretical job, it is often very competitive, and there are no guarantees that it will actually be a positive working environment and no guarantee that you won't get scammed and your license number won't be used for fraud.
I have a friend who after 6 years in undergrad, graduated but can't get into dental in ON because her marks and DAT aren't high enough. The problem is she doesn't have many jobs options other than retail and would therefore be no better off than when she finished high school. So far her only option ironically is to go back to her country of origin, complete a dental degree there, and then either stay, or attempt to come back here and finish her exams here and then compete with the hundreds of other dentists here to build a client base. So much for canada being the land of opportunity. For some reason, many people from other countries think that by coming here, there will be a better future for their kids, now while that's true for some people and with just buying real estate it is possible to have a better future...ultimately, it is very very difficult for my generation 20-30, to find a decent paying job and be able to move out and live on our own, because many good jobs have been outsourced, and there is very intense competition for the professional programs such as dental, med, pharm, allied health that actually offer the opportunity to have a good job. In the end even getting into these programs is no guarantee....
On some forums, I've read of people, doing 2 undergrads + a master's (9years), and rewriting the mcat 6 times, and then still not getting into med school here. I've read of people getting a phd (10 years) and still not having a job because unniversities don't provide tenure anymore, and instead hire contract profs to teach 1000students in a lecture hall.
The interesting thing is that just like the forums were predicting, the overseas medical degree option is closing fast. In a few years, the US med graduates will exceed the number of residencies available, and therefore there will be no more available for FMG. The same thing is happening in Canada. What's amazing, is that people don't really realize this, and think that they will beat the odds and continue applying and continue going and paying 250K+ education, not realizing how hard it really is to get a residency at the end of the journey.
Some people now equate getting into med to a lottery, where they keep trying year after year, and be lucky if they win the 'med lottery', and what is the prize at the end? It is another 4years of debt and stress, and for 1/2 people after all that work, it is the opportunity to become a family doc and see 10pt/hour and have to make diagnosis whithin 5 min to keep the waiting room moving. For another 1/3 that finish med and get a prestigious surgical specialist residency, it is the opportunity, to not be able to work as a surgeon because there is limited operating room time, and limited hospital budgets that do not hire new trainees, which therefore forces the newly minted surgeons to have to try to move around the country trying to find locums, or work as a surgeon assistant, or have to retrain as in some specialities to a completely different speciality (family med) since they cannot work as a general practitioner.
So what happens to my generation? Young adults end up staying home (yes the wonderous boomerang generation) and delay getting married and having kids because everyone stays in school for years and when they finish have a lot of debt and end up competing for the few jobs available (retail) that in a lot of cases don't pay enough to support a family...The other problem is of course housing costs are through the roof which means one ultimately needs 2 good incomes to even consider buying a place...
My options are also limited, since I have not enjoyed any of my hospital placements and have basically been told that I'm not good enough in 3/4 that I've been at, which is slightly disheartening. I keep thinking what if I can't find a job? Given my shy and slightly unsociable personality (which has been repeated to me since I was 4) am I really meant to work with people? How can I advise people how to exercise when I don't even have time to go to the gym myself? How can I actually provide manual therapy and help people when my hands start spasming whenever I start to do therapy on others?
So far the only option I've thought about if I won't be able to find a job, is to actually buy a PT practice and even though I know nothing to try my best to make it successful, which is a lot harder than it sounds.
It's just hard to keep going when there is no clear path and no guarantees that it will actually get better and not worse. Sometimes I really wish I could be more positive, and bubbly, and pretend that I don't know anything, and completely ignore all the facts and all my previous negative experiences.
Oh well, I think I just have to somehow keep going, and hope that it does get better, and be happy that I'm one of the lucky few that actually got into this torturous professional program that has the opportunity for me to find a job at the end. Given the economy, a lot of people probably don't understand what I'm complaining about and think would do anything to be in my place, but the problem is that everything is relative, and what's good enough for one, is often not good enough for another person because they come from a different context. My generation, was basically promised that if we worked hard enough, and went to Uni, and got good grades, we can achieve anything...but the recession hit hard, and reality is a lot less rosy. The truth is that in the end, getting that good job or that career has very little to do with how hard you work or what you know but a lot more to do with who you know and luck in general, and how well you play the game.
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