Another chapter of my life is officially complete, with my 1 month dating experience officially over. Of course only after I messaged to check whether it was over, why is it that guys find it okay to assume that its okay to end a relationship by just not replying to a text? Honestly, we prefer to have an official closure, not just a cliff-hanger.
On the bright side, I did beat a previous record of mine of everything ending after 3 dates, this one lasted a miraculous 7 dates over 1 month! Yes I confess, I haven't had a relationship last longer than 1 month, it is a little ridiculous. I've also done a lot of new stuff that I didn't try before, and sort of learned what I liked and disliked and became more comfortable with trying new things.
After much analysis, the theme that kept coming up, was that first off, I was 'different' than other girls, 'smart' for a girl, and busy, and of course want to go 'very slow'. Translation being, that I'm too smart, have too much going on in my life, and am not loose enough...
I know I have a lot of issues, including being busy, anti-social, sarcastic and sometimes negative, and having a low drive, but I sometimes wonder if its at all possible to find a guy that will actually accept me? Is the only way for me to pretend to be someone else? Should I reduce my intelligence level just to satisfy a guy's ego? Should I dress and act more provocately to appear more sexy? I've decided that's just not who I am...and I've already tried pretending and it does backfire in the end.
I mean I admit from the get-go, I don't know how to act or communicate in different social situations and find them very difficult. I have mild asthma and that does restrict my activity level. I'm still in school and my stress is very high, so its nearly impossible for me to be cheerful all the time. I've been through a lot and I can't look at everything through rose-coloured glasses and pretend everything is fine and dandy. And yes I do have a brain and I do think about stuff most people don't think about. Finally it takes me a while to get accustomed to doing things, especially things I've never done before, and I'm not willing to do certain things after only 1 month..
I guess its just too much to ask for a guy to actually accept my flaws and be patient
and actually support me after some tough times, but this experience made me realize that fortunately or unfortunately this is who I am, and I can't hide or lie, or pretend to be someone else.
Maybe I'm destined to be single, who knows..but I'm not going to change myself to satisfy others, since that just makes me more miserable. Right now, I'm taking a break from dating for at least a few months while I'm in school, I think I have enough stress to deal with and maybe I'll be brave enough to try again later.
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