I don't usually go out to restaurants or anywhere because of time pressures and of course because I'm paranoid of germs, but sometimes it does help to get out and get out of the rut.
Today, I got the chance to unwind a bit, eat, and even dance a bit. I got a chance to talk to some friends who I haven't seen in a while, and I realized they're all struggling, struggling with what career path to take, regretting their past choices in their previous university degree, and also struggling to find some sort of trail that will carve out their future.
None of them have the answers and often think about the same things I do. Will I find the right partner to spend my life with? Did I choose the right program to continue my studies? Will I ever be able to move out and start my own life? Where will that new life be?
In a lot of ways, it is harder for our generation, there is no real light shining in front of us, there is a lot of fog, and its up to us to compete in this fog with many others to hopefully gain a path to the future...but in a way it is somewhat comforting that we are all in the same boat, and we all have regrets, and hope and wishes, and not all these wishes come true and sometimes if they do, it is not what we originally envisioned it would look like.
What's interesting, is they look at me with envy, thinking that I have it all figured out, and will finish in a year, and will have a great career supposedly, while they're still struggling getting into a post-grad program, but to me it's funny, since I'm the last person that has anything figured out. I continue to daily question my decisions, and continue to wonder if I will even get a job once I graduate anywhere close or will I have to choose to move far away to find some type of work or bite the bullet and stay here and attempt to start my own practice which is definitely not ideal, since I feel I am not prepared at all and do not have neither the skills, confidence or business knowledge to even attempt it, yet it is possible I might not have a choice.
Today though did mark an achievement for me, I was finally able to let go of my anger and bitterness and become friends with a guy that I went on a few dates with. I was finally able to see why it didn't work, what went wrong, and that ultimately we aren't really a match....now I can't say the attraction is completely gone, but at this new level of understanding I am able to not let the attraction and bitterness take over, and think more rationally about the whole situation and realize that there needs to be a lot more than attraction for a relationship to work and if there isn't than there is no point in forcing it, since it won't work.
My fears, doubts and regrets are not unique, and everybody struggles with a lot of these things in their life. Making my issues to be a big deal is not helping me solve anything, it just makes me more anxious and down. So...I am going to try to keep this in mind, and try to not make every small issue into a big catastrophe since its not. I will definitely try to get out more, since a change in scenery always helps put things into perspective and lets you change up the mundane life we tend to lead.
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