'You can do anything' myth and settling

Warning: another venting post.

So today, was just another reminder of something I have very hard for the last 3 months to forget. What is this demon? Medical School. So before I embarked on the journey to be a PT, I wanted to go to med school (as did 500 other people in first year). Why? well not sure...I think I wanted to help people! No truthfully I don't even remember why I wanted to go.. I think it had something to do with a few popular tv shows???

Anyway...even though my marks were okay, I realized that they weren't high enough for admission and after I bombed my MCAT and actually realized I couldn't get into a canadian school I fell into a depression, that I have been struggling to get out of ever since. Now you may ask why I chose PT? Well the truth is it was a split-second decision as a way out of my depression and setting new goals for myself.

The reality is that I don't even want to be a doctor...it sounds ridiculous but I don't since and hate the idea of prescribing medications and spending 5 min with a patient.

So Why do I still want to go? Well I'm the typical type A, and not getting in was the one thing I did not achieve and I feel like I failed, which is not rational but that is how I constantly feel. It doesn't help matters that my parents keep telling me that I could still apply and attempt it because of course their dream is for me to be a doctor....

Rationally I know that a) I will never get the required MCAT due to my lack of basic science knowledge. and b) I don't believe in meds and don't even want to go anymore...

But the problem is that whenever people start talking about it and how they're going to keep trying, I feel like a failure, and feel like I settled and gave up, which in a way is true, I did settle but I don't regret it, I don't regret my choice, I love the profession (although I don't sound like it) but I still feel like I should have tried harder and do feel like an idiot half the time..

Would I have been happier if I kept trying? gone to Carribean? probably not, I would have been totally miserable but that's no consolation to my brain that keeps saying I gave up....

Everybody eventually realizes their limitations in life and becomes realistic about their prospects in different jobs and careers, but its always hard to realize those limitations and to think that you are so close yet so far....

I quess coming to terms with our limitations and accepting our choices is a phase in growing up, but it is never easy.....A part of you always will want to become the astronaut, fireman, actor, or in my case doctor, and I quess the key is to learn to accept that and be able to live your life, accepting your life's decisions.