Thoughts about working with cadavers

Warning: this post may contain graphic subject matter, reader discretion is advised. if you are not comfortable with cadavers (aka, dead bodies) I do not suggest reading further because it may cause undue psychological trauma. (Have always wanted to say that!)

Anyway, but yes another warning that the post is not for the faint of heart.

So, in our program, we are required to take anatomy, and part of anatomy is working with cadavers, this is not a new part of our program in addition to of course being part of the med program (anybody watch grey's anatomy?) and is apparently thought to be the best way to learn about the different structures of the human body. Going into the program I knew that this would be one of the components and didn't really think about it that much.

Now looking back, I really didn't realized how traumatized and affected I would be by this 'learning method'. In fact today, I was so affected that all I could do was hold on to the table and keep myself from fainting and just stare at others doing the dissection.

Now that work above is the first problem, disection. Because ultimately that is what we are supposed to do, dissect (still can't say that work without feeling sick) and learn about the different structures..of course that is in theory.

This is the first problem, that In practice, dissection is very messy and disgusting, and apparently a person has a lot of fat...which in dissection we have to cut through and which is very oily....let's just say that I cannot look at oil the same way now.

All this wouldn't be too bad, if we didn't know it was an actual person, living breathing person..that we are dissecting... The main issue I find is how am I supposed to feel? I mostly feel sad for the person and feel like I am violating their privacy by cutting into them, how can I justify cutting so crudely into their body when they donated their own body for my learning?

At the same time (this seems ridiculous) I feel angry at this person for having so much fat when other people don't have as much fat...it's like I'm blaming them for something they had no control over and instead of feeling gratified, I'm feeling resentful...(I know, I know, very very selfish).

The next problem is the smell...to preserve the cadavers, they have to use formaldehyde (a known carcinogen) and the smell is incredibly overpowering, I can't even describe it, and the worst thing is that the smell stays on you even after you leave the lab, I have to take an hour long bath to actually get rid of the smell. (selfish again, I know).

I just feel it's too much of a violation of a person's privacy, and I almost feel that I have to say a prayer as a thank you but then I can't because I don't feel that I'm learning enough for them to justify donating their bodies for me. In addition I feel that if I really thought of them as a real person, then it makes the lab even harder, since then I start to realized my own mortality and everyone else's mortality and that is probably the hardest part of the whole thing...

I quess the underlying problem is that I think that there are less traumatic ways of learning the same anatomy that are just as effective with computer graphics, but I quess I can't really change the system.

I just am frustrated because by feeling disgusted, its like I'm insulting the person instead of thanking them....

Yeah I'm not making sense anymore...it is late...but you can see the different issues that are competing in my brain, on the one hand I want to learn and know I should participate and am interested in learning where the different muscles and bones are, but on the other hand...I feel completely overwhelmed by the fact that its a real person and the smell and the actual cutting into human skin part...

Anyway.. hope you weren't too grossed out, and you can see the crazy internal struggles that are constantly battling each other in my brain....I will have a positive post about my profession eventually I promise!