So from my sometimes panic posts, it almost seems like my moods are always down and that's not really true, since when I'm not completely freaking about an upcoming test, I do feel okay, and am not as it seems constantly depressed. Usually, as for most people my low mood, is tied to lack of sleep (ie 5-6hours for weeks), the commuting (2hours each day), being in class for 8hours straight, feeling incompetent in lab and of course stressing about the next test.
This week, I found out that I actually did well on the last test where to be perfectly honest, was guessing on a lot of things, and hoped the completely random things I was remembering from my 4 days of 16hours of consecutive studying. Note that I'm not good at cramming, and it stresses me to the point of a breakdown.
It also helps to complain with other classmates who are going through the same pressures and dealing with the same problems. Also yesterday I was so tired of studying and school that I watched 5hours of tv and it did help me reset my brain. Sometimes what the brain needs is to completely zone out and forget about your own problems. From what I actually remember from my psych classes, distraction is actually a better coping mechanism than ruminating, so maybe I should watch more movies than obsessively think how I'll do on the next test, or how I don't know anything, or how I can't remember anything.
I've sort of accepted my insane program and their unfair testing, inadequate teaching, and little help, since I've realized other programs are probably no better. I've realized that if I want to learn something I have to teach it to myself, or learn it after graduating with post-grad course. I also realized that to do well, I have to ignore their advice of just learning the basics, and try to learn all the detail, since their tests are based on detail and not just basics.
Acceptance does not mean that my frustration and criticism has gone. Why do they think that overwhelming us with information is helpful? there is only so much info my brain can actually absorb, and after a while it becomes saturated and can only retain it for a few days before being overwritten by new info. Also, how does giving us a basically blank lab manual help? We end up trying to frantically write down the info during labs while trying to at the same time watch the actual way to perform the test. This results in 3 people having 3 different notes and interpretations of how to do the test, wouldn't it be easier to give us the actual instruction in the lab manual? Apparently not, since 'studies have shown that we learn best by being engaged in the material and writing helps us be engaged', I call BS on that statement. Writing down the wrong way to do the test is very frustrating, and quess what some people are not oral learners! Some people need information written down, and need to reread the info 10 times before they understand.
I also question their idea of not answering questions, because 'we need time to think about it and answer it ourselves', well where are we going to get the answers? The answers are so specific that the internet offers no help, and neither do the 5 PT books I have. Then of course they think its fair to ask these questions which were not answered on a quiz, sigh.
The biggest problem though, is that our knowledge is inadequate for our clinical internships, and instead of teaching us, they critique us, and throw us into the deep end thinking that we know what we're doing and we in turn have to pretend we know what we're doing since otherwise they can not pass us. I get that they are busy, and not everyone likes to have students and it takes longer to get through the day, and not everyone volunteers, but ultimately, even if it is just part of their jobs, shouldn't it be their duty to at least try to teach us something instead of just giving us patients and not explaining how to treat them?
Well enough down time, back to studying, and hopefully I can continue to try to find some balance and not feel so stressed again, although I know that that's easier said than done.
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